An article about super agers, folks who live very long lives, caught my eye. Diet, exercise, general health, lifestyle issues were all addressed, and one sentence of the piece that stuck with me was about friends. According to a recent Japanese study in the journal Neurology, “Older adults who connected every day with others had less shrinkage in key brain areas than those who seldom had contact with pals and relatives.”

In my younger years working in a hospital wellness program I had many conversations with older folks about the importance of friends and how difficult it can be for a senior citizen to make and keep new acquaintances. I tried to be understanding but didn’t fully get it until that older person was yours truly.

In the past, friendships were easy.  Involvement with my kid’s activities brought some great gal pals into my life and regular neighborhood get togethers were the norm. The mom of a new boy in my son’s class became a life-long close friend and another mom turned into a great running partner.

Today I’m still busy working and relish the in-person visits, online connections, and phone chats with family near and far. The companionship of critters is a wonderful plus, but a few years ago the number of people in my life took a nosedive. I lost some of my closest colleagues. It was an eye-opening aging reality.

My regular lunch buddy was gone as well as my shopping cohort. The sweet woman I visited weekly for tea and chats also passed away and one other moved to be closer to family. I started to think about those older folks telling me how hard it was to develop new friendships.

It can be a chore to move out of that comfort zone of familiar faces and activities, can make sitting at home seem the better option. But we know that being lonely and isolated isn’t healthy. Making new friends may sound daunting but it doesn’t have to be. You can turn it into a fun, growing experience.

I enjoyed knitting. Scarves, hats, throws for the couch and chairs were my main projects. Since I wanted to learn to be a better knitter, I decided to put a blurb in the church bulletin looking to start a group. The response was great. A class quickly formed, new friendships developed, and I even learned how to make sweaters for my dog. All it took was a bit of initiative on my part.

Inspired by the success of the knitting gathering, I found a book group. It was geared to women’s spiritual growth — could there be anything better for a grandma struggling with spirituality? I bought the latest book they were starting to read and was warmly welcomed. I have learned, grown, and made new acquaintances, each contributing wonderful life-enhancing experiences and insights. And once again it simply took a little effort.

But the best new friend experience began with an old friend. We met for lunch and talked enthusiastically about our artistic endeavors, families, activities, pets, community involvements. Most of all, we laughed and had a wonderful time. My friend said, “This has been such fun, let’s get together regularly.” I was very fond of this dear lady and on board for more visits. Then, almost in unison, we each said, “How about forming a lunch bunch with other women our age that we know and like?”

We meet every two weeks. Sometimes there are six of us, sometimes five. We go to a favorite restaurant where our booth is reserved. We have stimulating chats about families and projects, rambunctious pets, health and fitness, the latest books we’re reading, and the bloody aging thing. We have many laughs, even the occasional shared tear.

I so enjoy the wonderful friendships that can develop from taking action, reaching out, getting things rolling, starting that conversation. The longer we live, the more susceptible we are to loss and loneliness, but as my old friend Ivy always reminded me when I whined, “Oh, you’ll pull through.” And I always do. You can, too, it’s just a matter of rebuilding your tribe.

Carole Marshall is a former columnist and feature writer for a national magazine. She’s had stories published in Chicken Soup for the Soul books and has written two novels and one fitness book.

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