Innocent bystanders beware, Port Townsend's most outlandish yet well-grounded festival of the year is here.

The 30th annual Great Port Townsend Bay Kinetic Skulpture Race on Sunday, Oct. 7 caps a three-day event full of kolorful kharacters.

The 2012 race and parade theme is "Kinetic Apokalyptik” – organizers ask you to imagine a “road warrior” kind of kinetic world, where all sorts of apocalyptic scenarios take place, from Mayan 2012 predictions to post-apocalyptic steampunk and road warriors side by side.

As the world's second oldest kinetic skultpture race, Port Townsend stays true to the original with its emphasis on complete silliness, kostumes, pageantry and great engineering.

A kinetic skulpture is a human-powered, artistically enhanced vehicle that must go through sand (kwicksand), mud (The Dismal Bog), float on water and transverse hilly, silly neighborhoods. Some are engineering marvels; most are a mixture of bicycle parts, Styrofoam, duct tape, imagination and prayers.

Each one is a work of art. The pilots, pit krew and entourage dress in kostume and perform pageantry throughout the weekend. Fairy Tale kostumes are recommended for both participants and spektators, but remember the theme is “Kinetic Apokalyptik.”

“The fun thing about kinetics is all the silliness and the kreativity. But the koolest thing is that the krowd always gets their kinetic spirit on,” says Janet Emery, High Priestess and President for Life.

Awards are given to each racer, whether they want them or not, but the most highly prized is the “Mediocrity Award,” the skulpture that finishes in the middle of the pack.

To enter a skulpture, become a Rose Hips Ball “kween kandidate” or volunteer as krew, kontact Emery at 379-4972, visit her at Kinetic Koffee, or visit

ptkineticrace.org or “The Great Port Townsend Bay Kinetic Sculpture Race” on

Facebook.com.

Kween kontestants must be 21 and older, and at the show must tell a joke, give a recipe and offer a talent display.

Each skulpture and pilot must pay a registration fee of $20.12 with each additional team member charged $12.12.

Emery thanks the local businesses that have again stepped forward to support this activity. To donate, call Kinetic Koffee at 379-4972.

Schedule of Events

Oct. 5: Racer’s Party and Volunteer “Meet and Greet” (Steampunk Theme): 6 p.m. Friday, Oct. 5 at the Undertown.

Oct. 6: The “kontrolled khaos” starts with the “wanna-be” parade on Saturday. Parade entrants line up at the US Bank parking lot at 11 a.m. and traverse Water Street to the American Legion Hall around noon. All are welcome, though organizers state that no political messages or advertising are allowed.

After the parade is a brake and flotation test. Skulptures careen down Monroe Street for a brake stop at the skateboard park, then dive into the bay at the Salmon Club by the Northwest Maritime Center.

Oct. 6: The Rosehips Kween Koronation Ball (21+) is at 8 p.m. Saturday at the American Legion Hall, 209 Monroe St.

Kinetic Racers, local krazies and folks from the big city come dressed in kostume to dance to funkalicious tunes by The Better Half. Kween Kontestants will strut their stuff around 9:30 p.m. and koronation is at around 11 p.m. Admission is $15 at the door, and it’s a first come, first served event. Cameras and video equipment are not allowed; what happens at the ball stays at the ball.

Oct. 7: Race Day! Skulptures line up on Water Street by the American Legion Hall around 10 a.m. and the race starts with a “cheap shot” by some local dignitary precisely at "low noon."

After a quick pedal around downtown they put in to the water, pedal up and down the bay, then dry off for the pedal up Monroe Street. The grueling race kontinues up Lawrence, kornering by Aldrich’s Market. Skulptures then race to a sand kourse at Fort Worden State Park, to and through the mud at the Jefferson Kounty Fairgrounds, then back along San Juan Avenue and up to Kearney Street for a brief break at Kinetic Koffee. Then it’s down Water Street to the finish line at the Legion Hall. For a detailed map of the route, visit

 ptkineticrace.org.