I’ll take ‘More LA jokes’ for $400, Ken | Mann Overboard

Bill Mann
Posted 1/12/22

We’ve been enjoying watching Ken Jennings host “Jeopardy!” and presiding over one of the highe$t winning streaks ever, this by Oakland engineer Amy Schneider. She’s still a …

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I’ll take ‘More LA jokes’ for $400, Ken | Mann Overboard

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We’ve been enjoying watching Ken Jennings host “Jeopardy!” and presiding over one of the highe$t winning streaks ever, this by Oakland engineer Amy Schneider. She’s still a ways, though, from Jennings’ own impressive 74-game win streak. 

Meanwhile, over at Diamond Point, the Seattle-based emcee’s father, also named Ken Jennings, is posting funny stuff on our local Next Door.

“OK,” writes attorney/Diamond Point Leader reader Jennings père, “This question comes up fairly often and the answer is, ‘No, I am not the Ken Jennings of Jeopardy! fame. We are, however, his parents. So our family motto should be: DNA does not flow uphill.’”

— We’ve had some nasty cold spells around here. People jumping INTO burning buildings (rim shot!). One chilly day recently, as I drove downhill on Washington Street, I wanted to roll down my window and shout, “Galatea, for the love of God, get some clothes on!” 

— We’ve had three power failures recently. We’ve spent winters here without any. The climate she be a-changin.’ We’ve driven around town, and 90 percent of streets are bare before our own. I’d wager our roadway, 31st Street on Dundee Hill, is just about the last place in town you can still ski after it snows. 

— Speaking of slippery streets, a clown with studded snow tires tried to blast up the hill on Cook Avenue from a dead stop and sent sparks flying our direction. 

— Two businesses much missed, both neighbors of the Merc: La Isla, a long-established Mexican place that had arguably the best tacos in town, and Dockside Cleaners.

When we moved to L.A. years ago — mercifully briefly — I went into a dry cleaners in Van Nuys and saw … a signed picture of Cher. I knew it was time to move back to snowy Montréal. 

Speaking of El Lay, a joke many non-Angelinos probably won’t get: L.A. is the only town where the police will pull you over if one of your speakers goes out. 

Comic Steve Kravitz goes even further: “If you hold a dirty ashtray up to your ear, you can hear L.A.” And Kravitz lives in L.A. 

L.A. is basically a company town, and NBC critic John Barbour wisely observed, “Movies are an art form trapped within an industry.” I’d greenlight that. It’s also true of television and music. 

Big mistake, our moving to L.A. Not a place to raise kids. 

— Celebrate Elvis’ birthday last weekend? The National Perspirer used to run stories almost weekly about the King still being alive and living in Martinique or some such. A Memphis coroner once countered, knowingly: “If Elvis is alive, he’s walking around without any of his vital organs.” 

— We had to cancel our annual month-long return to Northern California’s Sonoma County because of Omicron (next variant: Pi) and also, my first wheelchair stint in 40 years. So we’re seeing PT in all its winter, grey glory. It could be a lot worse. We’d just moved here when we heard locals say several times they were “getting out of Dodge.” To places like Southern California’s Anza Borrego State Park. It’s the state’s largest park, and we’d never heard of it, even after having lived in California for 22 years. Like many here, then and today, we then spent a winter in that lovely desert outpost. Swimming … outdoors! And picking and eating delicious grapefruit. 

— Sign spotted in a local store window: “We Do NOT Offer Senior Citizen Discounts. You’ve Had Twice As Long to Get The Money.” 

Sign in a San Francisco cafe: “No, We Do NOT Have Wi-Fi. Talk to Each Other!” 

— New Yorker humorist Andy Borowitz’ latest funny headlines: 

“Ivanka Trump Reportedly Begged Putin to Order Her Dad to Stop Capitol Hill Attack.”

“Rand Paul Vows To Fill Misinformation Void Caused by Twitter’s Ban of Marjorie Taylor Greene.” 

“Sean Hannity Informs Jan. 6th Panel That Swearing To Tell The Truth Would Violate His Contract With Fox.” 

(PT humorist Bill Mann has written a joke book about Canadians and he’s working on a humor book about drainage and seepage law. Email him at Newsmann9@gmail.com.) 

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