Is there a seagull conspiracy in PT?


Ned Luce
Posted 7/19/23

I confess, I enjoy washing my car and on occasion I enjoy washing BJ’s car. Last weekend was a great weekend to wash a car, so I did. I started out last Friday afternoon in Port Townsend.

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Is there a seagull conspiracy in PT?



I confess, I enjoy washing my car and on occasion I enjoy washing BJ’s car. Last weekend was a great weekend to wash a car, so I did. I started out last Friday afternoon in Port Townsend.

The plan was to come home and have a gin and tonic with BJ, enjoy a movie on TV and get a good night’s sleep before getting up early to get outside and wash a car before the sun got too high in the sky.

The plan went awry because of what I think is a conspiracy in Port Townsend.

I think the seagulls occasionally gather together and target a car for their mischief. They fill a bucket with their droppings and then drop the whole bucket on the targeted vehicle, which happened to be the hood of my car around 4 p.m. last Friday.

You might think they are the only folks involved in this perceived conspiracy and you might be right but I think that the good folks at the car wash, up off of Sims Way across from the Goodwill Store, have to be involved, too.

You see, when that seagull poo stays on your car too long you will be blessed with a stain not to be removed by Mr. Clean or any other product.

As a result, a guy like me who discovers this goo on his car will make an effort to get it removed as soon as humanly possible. If it had happened in Port Ludlow I would have come home and immediately endeavored to wash it off because, well, there is no car wash in Port Ludlow.

Since I was in Port Townsend I tolerated, barely, the Friday afternoon tourist traffic from Uptown to the car wash on the way home. When I checked in at the car wash the attendant noted the condition of the hood and commented that I had probably encountered a bird. I countered with my perspective that the mess was actually precipitated, (actually), by what must have been a flock of large seagulls.

He then said that I came to the right place to have the problem solved. Frankly, friends, can you agree with me that the car wash is in fact in cahoots with the local flock of seagulls to support the economy of upper Sims Way?

Our daughter’s car, a green Mini Cooper, has been at our house since early February because she and her family have been in New Zealand. Regular readers also know that her family’s dog, Winnie, has spent almost the same amount of time here at our home also.

They all returned home in Seattle last Saturday and came over Monday to retrieve both the dog and the car. I thought it a nice gesture to wash her car and clean up the inside some on Saturday since I was suffering from the car-washing bug anyway.

This car lives outside as many of the cars here in the Pacific Northwest do. Consequently, many of those cars collect an almost permanent moldy sap in their various crevices. You may already know that removing that stuff requires lots of time, elbow grease, and strong car-care products. I only had the strong car-care products and given their cost I save them for my cars.

Speaking of my cars, you may know that BJ drives a red-and-white Mini Cooper and you probably already guessed, she wanted her car cleaned also.

When Sunday morning rolled around, Winnie and I headed for the garage and proceeded to wash BJ’s car. Her car profits from living in one of those places designed for cars, a garage, thus reducing the mold.

In addition, I freely use my car-care products on her car. As a result, the moldy residue I found in the crevices of our daughter’s car does not exist, thankfully, on BJ’s car. A fact more appreciated by me than BJ.

We enjoy many of our neighbors and many of them provide a cheerful greeting when they wander by on a walk. Sometimes they even stop and engage us in friendly conversation. Without fail, though, when I am washing a car, somebody will stop in for a chat and remark that I am welcome to wash their car next.

Bob Goudie sauntered by on both Saturday and Sunday noting that I was washing a car. On Sunday he asked if I could wash his next. I assured him that he needed only to get in line and I would get to cleaning his in due time.

The fact is that he would be next since I have never had anybody take me up on the offer. It may be due to the fact that they might not be able to do without their car for a month, or six.

Bob giggled, turned around and walked away.

Love a curmudgeon and avoid the gulls!

(Ned Luce is a former IBM executive and Port Ludlow resident. With age and experience comes wisdom; whenever Ned now sees a white-speckled car in Port Ludlow, he asks the driver: “Did you enjoy your visit to Port Townsend?” Contact Ned at

Life in Ludlow, Ned Luce, Seagull