The Popcorn Bumbler spills kernels of truth | Letter to the editor

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I’ll spill the beans. I’m the popcorn bumbler. I spilled the popcorn. George Marie and Michael D’Alessandro, the new owners of the Rose Theatre, crunched out of their seats because of me.

Let’s start at the beginning.

I had just left church (really, I’m not just saying that), so I arrived late to the members-only Sunday showing at the Rose Theatre of the very funny movie “Balls of Fire,” with Barbara Stanwyck and Gary Cooper. Navigating in the dark, I started to sit down but was waved away by nearby patrons. I took that the seat I was about to take was already taken, so I took the one behind it.

The nice couple who’d been standing up front, talking to the audience, finished their presentation with the words, “You’re important to us,” and then walked to the aisle in front of mine and took the reserved seats.

The movie started, I munched popcorn, laughed, placed the ¾-full bag down, and then promptly kicked it over. Lots of popcorn sprayed forward under the seat in front of me. I thought choice words — “Oh my gosh, drat, darn” — and then realized that any attempt to clean the mess would require me to get out of my seat, bend down, scrape floor, whisk kernels into a crinkly bag, and in general violate the principles of don’t disturb your fellow moviegoer with your movement and noise. I’d be moving and noising a lot — so I didn’t.

Sometime during the movie (did I say it was funny?), George and Michael left their seats to go to the lobby to do that movie-manager stuff and to prepare to greet people when they exited the theatre. Later, I realized that George and Michael must have had to crunch over the popcorn (did I say there was lots of popcorn?), and maybe they thought some choice words (shucky darns), or maybe not.

When the lights came on, I waited until the aisles had cleared and then scraped and whisked up the shoe-crushed popcorn into the bag. I thought, “What an introduction to theatre management for the new owners. Bright, idealistic, and with smiles on their faces, on their first day of ownership they’ve had to tread the popcorn.”

I have a rash philosophy of life. There are always rashes on our journey to heaven (did I say I’d just come from church?). When one hikes in the Olympic Mountains and is ogling and awing at glorious mountain vistas, there’s always some pack-strap rash or heel rub reminding us what mortals we mortals be. To get high with the angels requires one to hike, sweat, and to manage the accompanying rashes and sore muscles.

So, welcome George and Michael. We in Port Townsend are ecstatic that such a wonderful entity as the Rose has such wonderful new owners as you and your family.

May your reign be joyous as you bring joy to many, may your rashes and rubs be few, and may your mountain vistas be many.

Michael Maddox
The Popcorn Bumbler
PORT TOWNSEND