It won’t take long to read THESE items | Mann Overboard

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Short items from the Mann with a short attention span: 

— The masks are slowly — finally — coming off. And you know who’s got to be especially happy about this?  Lipstick companies. 

— Oleaginous marquee seen recently at our local drive-in: Grease An Officer And a Gentleman.

— Speaking of which, “Gentleman” costar Debra Winger is in the cast of an upcoming AMC series, “Ultra City Smiths.” (Her character is called Trish McSapphire). Shortly after filming “Gentleman” here in PT, Winger dropped out of show biz for several years. Someone else who dropped out of “the biz” — permanently — was clever, funny songwriter Tom Lehrer, of “Vatican Rag”  fame. The reason Lehrer gave for getting off the stage, one of the best lines about showbiz ever: “I’ve always considered applause to be a rather primitive form of communication.” 

— A rare local sight (besides unmasked people in stores): A game of beach volleyball, spotted down at the fort.

— A friend, Edgar Rice Chex, wonders aloud: “If Trump is still President as many Republicans claim, that would mean he’s term-limited and can’t run again in 2024.” 

— We’re used to seeing — actually, tired of seeing — flea market leftovers sitting in yards after the sale, with “Free” signs. One unusual one: Seeing what appears to be a new set of tires, sitting in a yard on Hastings along with a “$150” sign. Who needs Les Schwab or Costco when you can just buy tires from somebody’s yard? (Wonder if the seller will also balance them.) 

— I enjoy watching those heavily protected nuke subs sailing by en route to Bangor, with Coast Guard cutters port and starboard and fake container ships also on both sides. You can barely see the sub’s sail. Is the Navy concerned about shoulder-launched missiles from North Beach? 

— More nautica: Bad enough that we’ll probably only have one ferry here most of the summer and that our one boat is almost always full. If you do get on and go upstairs, not only is the galley closed (I love me them tater tots smothered in garlic), but also for health reasons, the jigsaw puzzles are also gone. Egads? 

— We’ve just passed the 31st anniversary of Mount St. Helen’s blowing its top. David Letterman joked then that the mega-explosion wasn’t all bad. “For a brief time,” Letterman noted, “bowling scores in the local area rose dramatically.” 

Let’s get political: 

— Middle Age Riot, on Twitter: “The same people who obsess over a war 155 years ago want to ignore an insurrection that happened five months ago.” 

— NBC’s Seth Meyers on Congressional wack job Marjorie Taylor Greene: “What’s wrong with this woman? Go home! Go back to keying other parents’ cars at soccer games, you monster.”

— Another late-night comic, Jimmy Kimmel, on the beloved Texas Senator: “Ted Cruz is a moist, gelatinous tube worm whose elastic band pants are filled with an inky discharge every time he speaks.” Ee-yew. 

— Former David Letterman writer Gerard Mulligan: “The next few months should prove whether or not Trump really is the new Teflon Don.” 

— Peerless New Yorker headline writer Andy Borowitz: “Trump Orders Kevin McCarthy to Go To Prison In His Place.” (Hey, that just might work).

–– Billionaire Jeff Bezos the world’s wealthiest man, has ordered up a yacht that’s as long as a football field. It will even have a smaller yacht in attendance for the crew. He writes a check — and the bank bounces.

— Finally, witty New York Times columnist Gail Collins, who once memorably described Trump as “an extremely well-dressed pile of debt, wearing an unusual haircut,” notes current efforts to remove The Orange One’s name from a New York park. She said one possibility would be signs reading, “Unnamed State Park, Next Exit.” 

(PT humorist Bill Mann is still waiting for the border to re-open so he can see his son up in Vancouver — and eat Montreal-style bagels again. (Newsmann9@gmail.com).