Bill Mann

— It’s the Pits: The Houston mosh-pit tragedy at the Astroworld Festival reminded me that years before — before the term mosh pit was around — my wife and I were in a similar crowd situation, although far less deadly. 

Circa 1975. I was  the rock critic at the Montreal Gazette, and the promoter had given me primo — now THERE’S a ’70s term! —  tickets for a Rolling Stones concert. We had seats in the second row. We were so close I remember seeing Mick Jagger’s eye shadow. 

But almost immediately — in the middle of “Brown Sugar” — we were in trouble. Hundreds of stoned Stones fans rushed the stage, putting the squeeze on us. We struggled to get out of there. I told the promoter later thanks for the great tickets, but I’d never sit up front again. “I’ll make it up to you,” he said. “Why don’t you come with me to the after party with the band at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel?” Deal. So, you can’t always get what you don’t want, but…

— My grandson Felix, a college student, was in the mosh pit at Seattle’s WAMU center two days before the Houston tragedy, at a concert  of the $uicideboy$. (Our son stayed nearby; 47 is too old for a mosh pit.)

— You’re never too old, however, to shoot your age in golf. Just ask 102-year-old Patricia Burns of Marrowstone. Two days a week, she drives herself to Discovery Bay Golf Club to tee it up. “She’s a living legend,” says pro Jeff Kent. She’s too old to mosh. But she does get free greens fees. 

— Speaking of seniors and music, I was swimming at Mountain View Pool one day when AC/DC (one of my favorite bands) came blasting over the P.A. “Turn that down!” shouted a silver-haired lady. “You don’t turn down AC/DC!” this septuagenarian yelled back. She was surprised. True story. 

— On the other hand, when I got out of my car to swim at Mountain View the other day, the unexpected sound of Bobby Vinton’s adenoidal warble oozed out of KPTZ’S studio window. Puh-leese. It was my turn to yell, “Turn it down!” 

— There’s more than one radio station in PT. KROH (91.1) is an automated religious station, owned by Joe (no relation) Mann. I was surprised to see an illuminated KROH sign way over in Oak Harbor the other day. Mann explained: “That’s the Adventist church’s reader board.” 

— More radio daze: The witty Dave Ross is the premiere radio talent in western Washington. Not only does the stentorian-voiced Ross host morning drive on Seattle’s top-rated KIRO-FM (97.3), but his clever and witty commentaries have run for years on the national CBS Radio Network. And the capper (for me, anyway): Ross for years has been the star of Seattle’s Gilbert & Sullivan company. I’m a major G&S fan (not exactly AC/DC) and I loved seeing Ross play Koko in “The Mikado.” I had the privilege of “carrying a spear” (singing in the chorus) of two G&S operas in the San Francisco area. I’ve met a few Savoyards (G&S aficionados) here. 

— Anyone else miss those great $6 chef Arran Stark-prepared lunches at the hospital?

— I thought it was funny — the Chamber of Commerce certainly wouldn’t agree — when some spray can-wielding wit altered the sign coming into town to read “Po Townsend.” Further south of town, near the airport, a one-letter painting alteration (which I do NOT endorse) would direct people to the unlikely “Port Townsend AFRO Museum” 

— OK, a few more “Car Talk” credits. Cleanliness Inspector: Adolf Deflor; Director of Alpine Choir: O. Leo Lahey; Director of Ethics and Honesty: U. Lyon Sack; Director of Nutritional Supplements: Rose Hips; Elvis Impersonator: Amal Shookup. 

— After the loathesome Ted Cruz took a cheap shot at “Sesame Street’s” Big Bird for coaxing kids to get vaxed, Stephen Colbert offered this fitting reply: “Senator Cruz, how should I put this? Our show tonight is brought to you by the letters ‘F’ and ‘U.’”

(PT humorist Bill Mann avoids mosh pits, like the ones at Walmart on Black Friday. Newsmann9@gmail.com)